Thursday, 14 December 2017

Why I stopped wearing eyelash extensions.

Those things can really mess with your self esteem. 

Have you seen that video of american makeup artist doing makeup on korean girls? Well, there's a moment in which one of the girls just beeeeegs for the artist to put the eyebrows on.
Well I felt like that every time I went back for my maintenance. 

The process of a replentishment goes: you lay down, they take all the lash extensions off, you see yourself in the mirror, then they start putting lashes on again, then you see yourself in the mirror.
My reaction to both moments was so different. I literally felt like a boy the first time, then felt so beautiful the second.

After only the first eyelash extensions session, I swore by them. I believed that I'd never stop putting them on. Even though sometimes I couldn't open my eyes, or at moments they hurt, or they'd look awful by the time I had to get new ones, or a shitton of stuff, I always believed I'd never stop wearing eyelash extensions.

Then, one day it hit me: I was dependent on them. So I decided to take them off. 

That was not the best idea, I took them off with my own fingers, which was really satisfying but probably not the best for my eyes.

After that I felt like crying. Looking at myself without lashes, like a boy. 
I hated how I looked, I tried applying mascara and found it didn't do the same. I looked so ugly. 

That's why I stopped wearing eyelash extensions.  I realized I had to look at myself and don't feel horrible, I had to accept it before I could continue with the process of loving myself.

The next day I went to school, had to wear a lot of mascara, nobody noticed I didn't have lashes anymore.
The day after that one girl –who also wears extensions– noticed, but told me she wanted to stop wearing them too.
Then I saw my boyfriend –who hadn't seen me without extensions since we got back together, say, six months– he told me I looked prettier.

I didn't believed anything of what they said, but it still made me feel better.

Now I don't wear extensions, nor mascara some days.

If you feel the same, but are scared of what you'll look like, believe me: no one will notice, only you see the difference. 

The figure standing in the dark

I should've written this a very long time ago, I can barely remember the details now.

Some months ago, I believe it was back on 2016, I saw someone in my room.

I was asleep, guess I had been for a few hours at least, but suddenly woke up. Light barely entered my room, enough to see figures but not to distinguish details.
I woke up and didn't have to look around to see a figure of a man between the door to my closet and the exit door, he was very tall, if he reached up he'd touch the ceiling without any problem.
I don't know what happened, I didn't feel afraid. I just couldn't understand what was going on, but I easily went back to sleep.

Suddenly it was the next day and there was nothing different in my room.

After I told my mom, she acted scared, but not surprised –even I wasn't scared anymore, just felt weird. She told me we'd clean my room and put some religious or spiritual thing (can't remember) in it.

It feels very weird to talk about it. Still don't know if it was a dream –it really doesn't feel like one–, but I'm also not scared at all. It wasn't anyone in my family (the men in my family aren't really tall), and I couldn't see its face.

Guess we'll never know.

Saturday, 9 April 2016

Being an Introvert in a world of extroverts.

I believe I am an introvert person. I don't know why, but it just makes sense.
All my life I've blamed myself for who I am. Why don't I like being around people like others do? Why would I rather have a chill meeting with friends than have a crazy party with a bunch of people?
I think the stereotypical teenager is based on the extrovert ones, and that has screwed me up a bit in the past. Wondering every day what's wrong with me, why am I so different to everyone else.
The thing is that, as much as I'd like to believe I'm special because of this, there's a lot of introverts out there that went through the same things as I did.
With the passing of the years I've learnt to accept myself, every day a bit more, and that includes every part of myself.
However, I've constantly failed on accepting my lack of social skills, which everyone seems to have inherently.
I'm still working on it, yet here's what I have to say to all you introverts out there:
You're good. You're fine. It's not your fault and it's not a mistake or a fail. You're different and you're special. And, most importantly, you're not alone. We're on this journey together: let's embrace our introversy.

Wednesday, 9 March 2016

6th Grade Dilemma

Being on the last year of high school, as I am, means so many things, but mostly preparing for change and stress. A lot of stress.
Whether you are an average grade student, a low one or a high one, you'll get what I'm saying.
Choosing your career and Uni, admission exams, waiting for responses, asking for scholarships.
Everything suddenly becomes so real it is hard to handle. Today, actually, I'll hopefully get a response to a Uni I applied for.
Anyways, I'd like to focus on the "real" factor. Suddenly, every decision you make seems to have a huge consequence.
For example, my daily thoughts are: What if I don't like Psychology? What if I can't pay school? What if I lose my scholarship? What if the Uni doesn't accept me? 
And so many more I don't even want to think about.

 However, today I was having a conversation with my boyfriend, who is worried he might not get a Uni this year.
I explained this to him and would like to keep it noted down just in case well... just in case I feel this.
You have three options: going to Uni, working, or taking a year off (or less). It doesn't matter what your decision is as long as you long for it and take advantage of it.
For example, a year off for some might be a bit extreme, but I believe that if you take this year as a "preparing for life" time, you'll be using it. Travel, meet people, try new things: make every day useful.
It's the same with going to Uni. If you're not prepered, and you'd rather not go: you're going to fail. Big time.
Always put your whole heart in everything you do. Love it.

Monday, 7 March 2016

Small Boobed Insecurities

Somewhat a week ago my boyfriend told me about his preference of bigger boobs. He literally told me "I think I like boobs a little bit bigger, not like huge, but natural."
Thinking about it, what the hell is natural? This is natural.
Anyways, it hurt me deep, and it is unnecessary to say that my self esteem went from the skies to hell, in less than a day.
I must admit that for about a year I've based my self esteem on whatever he tells me. Before knowing him I had bad depression issues, and now, even though I thought I had overgrown them... I discovered I haven't.
And yes, all of this is about the amount of fat on my chest.
Some may think I'm exaggerating, however: I'm not.
Anyone who has self esteem issues will understand me, whether it is about a scar, or teeth, or even a fingernail... everything is big. And no, you don't have to feel guilty for feeling things about your body, or making a huge mess about a little thing. If it affects you, it is important, no matter what anyone else says.
Back to the thing, I've been looking all around literally the same question: "how to accept my small boobs?" What.
I mean, it's obvious the fact that I haven't found anything that makes me say "WOWIE, BOY. YES TO SMALL BOOBS." (without considering those beautiful pictures of beautiful women who actually look gorgeous with small boobs. Dayum, those girls.)
I'm still working on it, and I hope someday (hopefully soon), I'll be able to say again how much my boobies make me happy.
So far, I believe they're useful (or at least they're not a pain in the back), so that's that.
Hopefully sooner rather than later, there'll be a post about my love for small boobs and how I'm glad my body decided to not archive fat on the "right" places.
Till that, the Boobie Journey follows on, and more discoverings will be recorded.
Have a good night.

Sunday, 10 May 2015

"Ensayo Sobre la Ceguera" de José | RESEÑA

¿Qué puedo decir de este libro?


Título: Ensayo sobre la ceguera

Autor: José Saramago

Editorial: Alfaguara

Fecha edición: Agosto 2010

Número de páginas: 409


Un hombre parado ante un semáforo en rojo se queda ciego súbitamente. Es el primer caso de una «ceguera blanca» que se expande de manera fulminante. Internados en cuarentena o perdidos en la ciudad, los ciegos tendrán que enfrentarse con lo que existe de más primitivo en la naturaleza humana: la voluntad de sobrevivir a cualquier precio. Ensayo sobre la ceguera es la ficción de un autor que nos alerta sobre «la responsabilidad de tener ojos cuando otros los perdieron». José Saramago traza en este libro una imagen aterradora y conmovedora de los tiempos que estamos viviendo. En un mundo así, ¿cabrá alguna esperanza? El lector conocerá una experiencia imaginativa única. En un punto donde se cruzan literatura y sabiduría, José Saramago nos obliga a parar, cerrar los ojos y ver. Recuperar la lucidez y rescatar el afecto son dos propuestas fundamentales de una novela que es, también, una reflexión sobre la ética del amor y la solidaridad."


La verdad es que me esperaba muchísimo de este libro, de principio a fin, y a pesar de todo, no es lo que me esperaba. 
Me lo ha recomendado mi profesor de Taller de Lectura y Redacción (Español), y me ha dicho que lo hizo enojarse y casi llorar y, bueno, todos los sentimientos. 
Honestamente, no sentí muchos de esas cosas. ¿Qué será? ¿Que nuestra generación ve tanto de eso que ya no nos impresiona nada?
¿Qué será?
A pesar de mis altas expectativas, debo decir que este libro es diferente a muchos otros, no solo por el estilo extraño y vagante en que está escrito, sino que también por esa trama llena de misterio sin fin. 
Desde que supe de su argumento me pregunté: ¿... entonces por qué están ciegos?
Y esta incógnita te persigue hasta el final, si no es que más allá aún. 
Ensayo no me dejó de sorprender, a pesar de que es un libro fácil de predecir, el hecho de que en algún mundo, uno paralelo al nuestro, pase lo que pasó... vaya, ¿qué está sucediendo?
Varias veces terminé leyendo a altas horas de la noche. O bajaba el libro, pero las ansias de saber qué pasa hacían que de nuevo quitara el separador; o de plano, mi mente no contemplaba la idea de no saber que pasó después. 
También, a quién engaño, varias veces permanecí sin poder cerrar los ojos para dormir con el miedo de que el mal blanco me llegara también a mi. 

Y es que este libro es tan real, tan sincero, que uno creería que sucede alrededor nuestro. 

¿Qué te digo? 
4.57943892304... / 5

Sunday, 3 May 2015

Gotz me more books |+ PDF DOWNLOAD

When I was younger I was a pain in the ass. I gotta say it.
Though I didn't have the same reasons as other kids, not even during most of my adolescence had I "normal" reasons to bother my parents. I was a responsible kid, mature and easy-to-control, I learnt to drive when I was about 12 or 13 and when I was 15 I already had my own car and went to school by myself. But only that, only to school. I was scared to drive anywhere else, so not until this year, even with a car of my own, my parents had to drive me everywhere.
But where am I getting to, you may wonder sweet child. I'm saying that yesterday I went to Gandhi (book store) on my own! (And yeah, just a bit of help from my boyfriend as a GPS, but who counts?)
My parents NEVER wanted to give me a ride to the bookstore (and stay with me for a while until i found the right book). To be fair, I could take hours to find just one book.
Then I got my Kindle, so every time I asked them to take me there or to let me buy a "physical" book they'd say "Just download it, right?"
Yesh,yesh, books are expensive.
Like Kathleen Lights would say, "Das espeeensive".

BUT! You may wonder what I got and what I'm going to show you...
I'm sorry to inform you that it was only two books and –today– one PDF.

Here's a list.

The Intellectual Devotional (I bought it in Spanish though: 365 Días Para Ser Más Culto)

By David S. Kidder and Noah D. Oppenheim

"This daily digest of intellectual challenge and learning will arouse curiosity, refresh knowledge, expand horizons, and keep the mind sharp."
I got this book for my boyfriend, it's about 750 pages long, and yesterday only after maybe half an hour we went 40 pages into it. I completely recommend it, even though We're not even in the book's february yet!

1Q84 (Books 1 and 2)


By Haruki Murakami
"A young woman named Aomame follows a taxi driver’s enigmatic suggestion and begins to notice puzzling discrepancies in the world around her. She has entered, she realizes, a parallel existence, which she calls 1Q84 —“Q is for ‘question mark.’ A world that bears a question.” Meanwhile, an aspiring writer named Tengo takes on a suspect ghostwriting project. He becomes so wrapped up with the work and its unusual author that, soon, his previously placid life begins to come unraveled..."

–CAN'T WAIT!– This would be the first book I read by the –apparently marvellous– Haruki Murakami!


There's a reason I cited the youtuber Kathleen Lights before, and it's because...
She recommended the book "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff"... And I had to get it PRONTO. 

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff ... and it's all small stuff


By Richard Carlson, PH.D. 
"Don't Sweat the Small Stuff... and it's all small stuff is a book that shows you how to keep from letting the little things in life drive you crazy. In thoughtful and insightful language, author Richard Carlson reveals ways to calm down in the midst of your incredibly hurried, stress-filled life..."

As I told you, I downloaded it in PDF, so here's two links so you can download it and enjoy it as well!

That's it! 
I also hope I will be reading these books sooner rather than later, cos look at those pages (like, hello..)

I will also make a shameless shoutout to Beauty Guru Kathleen Lights, because I think she's beautiful and a great person, and she just makes my day. 

Have you read any of these books? If so, would you recommend them?